Things you must never do when drunk

Now here's an addition to the list of things you must never do when drunk: never lock your bike to the main door of a bank in such a way that it prevents the door from opening. And if, by any chance you do, be absolutely certain that you don't break or lose your key!

A few days ago as we were walking out of a certain college after an exchange dinner, we stopped at the porter's lodge to ask to be let out (it is secure, so no one but students can get in late in the evening, but it appears that non-students can't leave the college either, unless someone lets them out. But more on that some other time). So, as we found out, we had to wait for more than a few minutes as the porter was busy talking to a young lady, trying to resolve her problem. Her problem? She stood there with a broken key in her hand - the key to her bicycle lock - the lock that she had used to lock her bike with - to the main door of the nearby Barclays branch!



Apparently the girl had wrapped her cable lock along both bar handles of the main door at Barclays and left her bike there. Finally, when she went back to retrieve the bike, the key snapped in the lock. She was now worried that she would not be able to remove her bike that night, and as a consequence the bank would not be able to open shop the next morning - until they went round and got a cable cutter or a locksmith to do the job for them. Just imagine the chaos that would ensue the next morning, with all employees and tens of early morning customers waiting outside for the bank to be able to open its doors for business, because there was a bicycle in the way! (The bank does have a shuttered door, but the shutter only opens from inside, which cannot be got at until the main door is opened).

The porter was trying to do his best to offer possible solutions, which variably were an old wire cutter ("...but the cable lock is this thick...", said with the thumb and forefinger about half an inch apart), and a hammer ("...I don't think the lock is going to break with that!...", notwithstanding the fact that the police would take a dim view of someone trying to break into Barclays with a hammer at midnight). Finally, the solution that was arrived at was a note scrawled on a small piece of paper that began, "Dear Barclays..."

It was time to leave.


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